Getting Schooled by the Spirit

On the way home from work tonight, I feel it.

It’s easy enough to ignore it, distract myself with the radio or listening to a podcast during my forty minute commute.
But I am compelled to be silent–turn it all off and tune in.
The heaviness is still there.
I’m swallowed by it.
Thoughts of failure, rejection, worthlessness. I feel as surrounded spiritually as I do physically, cars on all sides, buildings, motion. But amidst my own prideful, self-centeredness, I hear the Spirit compelling me. Hushing my harried mind, He invites me
to be silent and learn.

Rejection or acceptance by others (humans) holds no weight on the scale of worth.
(Is 2:22)

I struggle with this. It’s not so much struggling with how people view me, how they react to me, but rather the joy or pain I find in them. I, and we, are created to be in relationship, right? Naturally we feel good when others accept us and love us well. I am struggling to believe God alone satisfies this part of humanity. He speaks again.

It’s true. I do.
Imagine a feast– all you can eat, more!–the banquet table of the lamb. When you eat from my bounty, when you feast with me, you are full and over-flowing. You are satisfied and need no more. (Is. 55)

Then what is this pleasure, this goodness that comes from those you’ve put in our lives?

Chewing Gum. It is good, flavorful, and created for your delight, but never to fill you, never to make you full. 

bubble fail

** Words in italics represent the illumination that God provided for me, not what I would consider the authoritative word of God. :}


Present to His Presence

The universe operates as an orderly system, not by impersonal laws but by the creative voice of the immanent and universal Presence, the Logos.

Tonight on my run, I stopped.
This is not good, because, you see, I am trying to train for a half marathon.
Real runners don’t stop. They pee their own britches before they stop.

In my defense, I was captivated.
There is nothing quite so beautiful as a fall evening–no wind, just sun– reflected and rippling on the lake, infusing with into almost unnatural hues. The lake was so still too. A lone duck drifting securely on the  surface, leaving behind a soft, misshapen V.

I had been trying to listen to God for the last three miles.  Praying and then waiting, and then suddenly coming to a conscious realization that I was thinking about something else again. Ugh.

Father, I just ask for voice, for your presence.

Then I had a realization (thank you Jesus). I’ve been praying the wrong prayer entirely. I need to ask to be more present to Him. He’s the unchanging One, the always present.

Some truth came to mind. In Him all things live and move and have their being.  My mind rested on each of these concepts, and I thought of the duck– how securely she lived, moved, and existed on and in the lake. How I, and all of creation, are upheld, hemmed in, and literally unable to remove ourselves from His presence.
… if I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, your right hand shall uphold me.

Whether we skate the surface of His presence, nearly unaware, or dive in deep, it can not change His permanant presence. I hope this brings you great comfort, great joy, and great desire to be present to Him as He is to you.

Check these bible passages out, yo! Psalm 139 (the whole thing, but especially vs. 7-10) Acts 17: 27-28; Colossians 1:17