On the way home from work tonight, I feel it.
It’s easy enough to ignore it, distract myself with the radio or listening to a podcast during my forty minute commute.
But I am compelled to be silent–turn it all off and tune in.
The heaviness is still there.
I’m swallowed by it.
Thoughts of failure, rejection, worthlessness. I feel as surrounded spiritually as I do physically, cars on all sides, buildings, motion. But amidst my own prideful, self-centeredness, I hear the Spirit compelling me. Hushing my harried mind, He invites me
to be silent and learn.
Rejection or acceptance by others (humans) holds no weight on the scale of worth.
I struggle with this. It’s not so much struggling with how people view me, how they react to me, but rather the joy or pain I find in them. I, and we, are created to be in relationship, right? Naturally we feel good when others accept us and love us well. I am struggling to believe God alone satisfies this part of humanity. He speaks again.
It’s true. I do.
Imagine a feast– all you can eat, more!–the banquet table of the lamb. When you eat from my bounty, when you feast with me, you are full and over-flowing. You are satisfied and need no more. (Is. 55)
Then what is this pleasure, this goodness that comes from those you’ve put in our lives?
Chewing Gum. It is good, flavorful, and created for your delight, but never to fill you, never to make you full.
** Words in italics represent the illumination that God provided for me, not what I would consider the authoritative word of God. :}